How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the WAR

If you find yourself viewing Warhammer Online positively, you are obviously a victim of the Orwellian groupthink endemic to the blogging community. Everybody knows that none of those people actually have their own opinion. If you ponder whether you should buy WAR or not, you are clearly a sheep… or maybe a rat, slavering over the latest new shiny, just becuase it’s new and shiny. Yeah, a rat.

Warhamnmer will sap and impurify your precious bodily fluids.

To protect against this pernicious groupthink, you should get out your kitchen tinfoil and make a hat out of it, to protect your soft brain tissue against the telepathic onslaught of Warhammer Waves it will inevitably undergo. Make sure you cover your nose and mouth, as these are primary entry vectors. You should also stop drinking water – water has fluoride in it, and fluoride has been scientifically proven to cause Warhammer subscription.

If you find yourself actually playing Warhammer Online, know that it is probably too late for you – no known method has been known to counter the effects of this fiendish fluoridation. If you are not having fun, there may be a small chance – take all the preceding steps immediately, and in addition, isolate yourself immediately from all electromagnetic fields; the radiation given off by cellular phones is known to cause fun in 87.2% of all individuals. You may be one.

If you are having fun, it’s too late; the cause is lost, and you are not redeemable. If you must play Warhammer, be sure to do so from within the confines of a certified Level A Hazmat suit, as lesser protections are insufficient barriers against the many dangers released by the Insidious Dr. Jacobs.

4 responses to “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the WAR

  1. Knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his trap shut for long. Welcome back, Edge.

    /e wonders if he’ll realize the comments are directed at him or if he’s just really that dense.

    No one wants you to keep your opinion to yourself, mate… we just want you to actually state it and defend it. It’d be great if you got back to talking about the games you DO play, and not the ones you don’t.

    (God, I just can’t stop. Someone needs to find me some work at the office).

  2. You? I haven’t done a productive thing all day other than post things. I need to log in. SOON.

    комисса́р EDGE. I see you are out gathering data for your Communist propaganda!